Books

I went on the search for some books to help with my recovery today. I had a few hints from people online so I thought I would go look. It was amazing to me #1 How few books I could find and #2 of the books I did find, a lot of them were mostly geared specifically toward anorexia and bulimia. Now I had issues with bulimia in high school but now I fall more into the category of COE and binging. I have bulimic tendencies ocassionally. Sometimes the urge to vomit after a binge is more than I can stand.

My shopping trip today just made me realize how insignificant people feel food addiction still is. While online I did find more options for food addiction books, but why not in the stores? There were a handful and that was it. But you turned to depression, ADHD, OCD etc and there were shelves lined with books on the topic.

I ended up at half-price books (a used bookstore) and found a book called "Why can't I stop eating?". I found that I was rather embarassed to take it to the counter. I had found a few other books while I was there (I spend so much money when I go to bookstores :) ) and I hid this book in the middle of the rest of them.

Then once I got home, I placed my bags of shopping on the kitchen table and knowing that my roommate (and one of my closest friends) would be interested in what books I got, I took this one book out and brought it straight to my room, even though she knows I have issues with food. I am not sure if she is aware of the relapse I am facing right now but I didn't want her to see the book. Why is this such an issue of shame? I need help and I should be able to ask for it right? Then why can't I?